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Portland, Oregon, United States
I'm not BAD evil, more like devil's food cake evil.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Notes To Self at the Portland Airport on a Sunday Evening While Watching the Women's Beach Volleyball Olympic Match Against China

1. Those women's beach volleyball uniforms are like a bra and panties.
2. In fact, their Olympic uniform panties cover less than my actual panties.
3. Airports are like people observation playgrounds.
4. Especially if you like watching people freak out. On their kids.
5. I mean, these women are some serious eye candy in their tiny panties and shiny sweaty hard bodies.
6. I don't think I ever realised how much eye candy the summer Olympics are. I mean, swimmers? HELLO. THOSE MEN ARE HOT.
7. Speaking of hot men, why do the men's beach volleyball uniforms suck so bad? Seriously disappointed.
8. And speaking of men, all these women athletes have such androgynous bodies.
9. And speaking of androgynous, the person who made my bratwurst? Can't tell if s/he is taking the female hormones, or is just That Gay.
10. I mean, bitch might have gotten her boobies.
11. And speaking of John Hughes, those new JCPenney commercials with all those kids re-enacting scenes from The Breakfast Club? BAD. Those kid actors have no idea what they're doing.
12. Watching the Olympics just serves to remind me that I Am So Not Athletic.
13. But I was a kick-ass field hockey player!
14. It was easy to be a kick-ass field hockey player on my high school team because I played defense and our offense was so good I often didn't have much to do.
15. Seriously. Who made these uniforms?
(The match finishes and I wander over to my gate, where I discover that my flight has been delayed by about 90 minutes.)
16. People watching, even at airports, gets boring after one hour.
17. If, due to a delayed flight or overzealous airport arrival, it is important to have a good soundtrack to accompany your people watching experience.
18. Today's soundtrack provided by The Black Keys.
19. Muttering middle aged men crouched down on the floor next to you screwing with their bag and wiping their face are creepy. Creepy.
20. People who feel compelled to yell into their cell phones suck.
21. Taking notes while people watching is really entertaining.
22. Why do some women insist on traveling in 4 inch heels? They look so sad hobbling through the airport as if their bag weighed 5,000 pounds.
26. Holy crap the rise on that man's pants is so high you could mistake them for overalls, daaaamn.