So really, it was a mutual, contractual agreement. They would hire me, and I would carry the birth and the faith in birth and bodies for them.
So that makes me feel a little better about myself. Of course it doesn't negate my own issues with myself and needing to be needed, but it does makes clear to me why I get involved with such couples.
And really, I've already interviewed with a few couples for 2008, and still that energy persists. So, when I listen to them talk, I start to wonder several things:
- If they say they don't want a hospital birth why are they giving birth at a hospital?
- If they say they don't want a hospital birth but they are giving birth at a hospital because if anything goes wrong they want to be in the right place--doesn't that imply they expect things to go wrong?
- Or does it really imply that they don't trust birth, themselves, and/or their care providers to catch a bad situation before it happens?
- Or does it really imply that they are scared shitless of this process and feel helpless?
- Why don't they trust in birth?
- Why don't they trust in themselves?
- Why don't they trust their care providers?
- Why do parents who are scared shitless of the process and feel helpess decide to hand over control to their caregivers? Doesn't that simply perpetuate the cycle of helplessness?
- What's really at the core, here? What's the underlying belief that has colored all their perceptions of this event?
That's a lot of questions.