who's the ECL?

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Portland, Oregon, United States
I'm not BAD evil, more like devil's food cake evil.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Offensive, Yet Fun

I just published and unpublished a post I wrote about my adventures with www.gizoogle.com. I got scared someone would flag my post, strangers would flame me, and my very wicked sense of humor would get back to me professionally in a bad way. Which is too bad, because that post was funny.

It all started earlier this evening when I decided to google shiznit. I've been having that kind of day.

One of the websites to show up was gizoogle.com, which is a web search engine and webpage translator. It will translate any web copy into Jive. The Snoop Dogg kind.

I gizoogled my doula website and looked at how the doula bios got translated. And. It. Was. Holy. Effing. FUNNY.

But totally offensive.

And so my friends, I invite you to pop over to www.gizoogle.com and gizoogle a webpage with a lot of copy about something really serious, or even better, something really airy-fairy new agey. You just might feel much much better about life.

Or really really offended.

PS: for your own fun and games with this blog:

Tranzliate this Shiznit to Jive!

Click the Spinn'n Rim Beotch!

www.myYearbook.com -- Created by 2 high school students to kick myspace's ass

Add the Tranzizzle-ata' to Your Site!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Something to chew on:

Excerpt from The First Hour Following Birth by Michel Odent (link)

"However a simple conclusion can be drawn from a rapid overview of the data we have at our disposal: the greater the social need for aggression and an ability to destroy life, the more intrusive the rituals and beliefs are in the period surrounding birth."

Saturday, January 20, 2007

just wonderin'

why do cat food cans come in flavors like "chicken" and "turkey and beef?"

shouldn't there be flavors like "mouse" and "chickadee and squirrell?"

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Nerd Alert, part 2

If you don't remember, I am a total Star Wars nerd.

What you don't remember, because I haven't told you, is that I have been secretly sneaking off to another blog.

Don't get too worked up--I've just imported some of my posts from this blog to that one. I have been flirting with moving myself over there permanently since the summertime. Let me explain (and this will bring us back to the nerd alert, I promise):

Vox (the host) is trying to be the middle ground between mySpace and Typepad/Blogger. It's a place to blog, network and gather friends, and post your pictures, videos, music, reading lists, and whatnot. They try to make it all very easy for people afraid of html. They provide you with a constantly expanding choice of blog templates, and they make it crazy easy to switch templates. You just click on the new one, for pete's sake. SO much easier than what blogger has to offer. Their templates kick ass, too. You also get to choose the layout of your blog--2 or 3 columns? Blog content on the left, right, or center? What do you want in your columns? You can add your friends to one of the columns and it will keep track of their posting, so you can pop over once they've put up something new.

Vox also allows you to decide per post what can be seen by friends, family, the general public, or remain private. I like that. I can't remember if the new blogger gives us that option.

The serious downside to Vox, which is why I haven't moved over there permanently and probably won't, is that only Vox members can leave comments on your blog. I hate that. Even though it is free to become a member, you don't have to start a blog once you become a member, and it probably cuts down on comment spam and strangers flaming you, I still think it sucks. At least on blogger you get a choice about who comments on your blog.

But anyhoo, Vox sends out a little letter every month or so, and on the sidebar they mention some posts that they feel are noteworthy. And this post that I'm linking to below was listed in this month's letter, and I found it very entertaining. Go have some fun in Vox land.

Mark Hamill, leave a message

And if you are curious, here's my vox page.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

First Published Rant of 2007!

My cousin and his wife had a baby almost exactly a week ago (at 11:43 tonight he'll be seven days old)!

They called me last Friday and said, "hey, we're getting induced on Tuesday!"

And I said, "WHY????" What I was thinking was, "what the fuck do they want to induce you for? fuckin HOSPITALS."

They said, "I don't know, cause we haven't had the baby yet."

To which I replied, "when was your due date?"

"Oh, its this Sunday."


"Is there any medical reason why they want to induce you TWO DAYS AFTER YOUR DUE DATE???"

"Well no, the baby's fine. I'm fine. We just haven't had him yet."



Attention please, Western Medicine:

Babies in the womb do not know how to read a calendar. Babies in the womb do not know how to tell time. Babies in the womb don't understand that they are expected to comply with a system of time when they don't really even know what time is yet.

Babies in the womb do understand that their home is getting awfully small, and that every now and then the walls of their home squish against them and push them down a little bit. Babies in the womb will eventually come out. There is no evidence that a baby will stay put inside of a cramped uterus. There is no evidence that a woman's own body won't kick in the proper hormones to push out that kid. Its not like a woman's body will eventually re-absorb the fully grown baby if it doesn't come out within an certain time frame, like it would a splinter. By the way, that time frame you've figured out, is just an estimate. At best.

So stop fucking around with women who are pregnant. Stop giving them a hard due date, and stop threatening to force their baby to be born just because their baby isn't complying to YOUR wishes. Stop telling women there is no harm in inducing, because that is an out and out lie and the research proves it. You are not god. You are not in control of a woman's labor, or her body, and especially not her baby.

Back off, western medicine. Your dominant paradigm, that a body cannot be trusted to function on its own without management, namely your management, is a false paradigm. Your belief that childbirth is a dangerous and life-threatening situation that needs to be carefully managed by you and your lackeys is largely a false belief. Your misplaced trust in your machines and tests has taught you to listen only to the beeps and whirrs of man's toys, not to a mother's cries and her baby's galloping heartbeat. Your outdated standards of practice lead to more causes of infant injury and mortality than those women who "barbarically" give birth in a field. In the DIRT, WITH BACTERIA!!!!!!

When will you learn, western medicine? When will you learn that you are not in charge of our lives and deaths? When will you learn that your desire to control and mange every aspect of this event will not necessarily make the situation better, or guarantee life and health? When will you accept that the very protocols that you put in place to save us from our own pain and possible death may cause the very thing? When will you stop being so afraid of our own mortality that you would be willing give up humanness in order to save us from dying? In order to save us from ourselves you try to take away everything about this life that makes it unpredicatble, human, emotional, and magical. In your utopia, western medicine, we would all be guaranteed a painless and long existence, but at what cost???

Thursday, January 04, 2007

if i were a tarot card...

Cavu did it first.

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

hmm. not so good at home decorating, but i do have a good sense of proper placement of things. and all that gestating? you would think it would make a girl tired. that whole keeping the world barren in her fury and grief? that is the truest sentence about me in this whole thingamajig. dang.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Hello, 2007

It is 3:33 in the am and I just got home. I rang in the new year with a couple of my friends; we ate chilli dogs, made s'mores, drank rum and cokes, and watched a lot of that Ace Of Cakes show on the Food Network. Naturally, I was fascinated by their fondant and sugar paste creations. Fascinated, but not inspired. I'm just not that kind of cake lady.

I have to say, I am a little bit depressed about being back in dark grey cold Portland Oregon, when a few days ago I was in partly cloudy, mostly sunny, warm, kinda humid, oceany Hawaii. In fact, I think I am a little angry about it. I feel a little petulant about it, really.

I'm an island girl at heart. Their amorphous, friendly, laid back way of life is my life, too. I'm just not a Type A person and I don't love to work, and I can lay on a couch all day and feel like I accomplished a lot. Not that Hawaiians are lazy and unemployed, but it seems like they get that life isn't about work. And, most of them love the ocean like I do.

In the summer of 2005, I realised two things about myself that I knew weren't ever going to change (my inalienable truths): I need to be involved in birth, and I need to live by the ocean.

Well in 2006 I've worked hard to be involved in birth on many levels and it has been the most rewarding career choice I've made to date. I know I'll be involved with birth somehow in some way for the rest of my days.

Just gotta get that ocean one worked out. So really, if I have a New Year's resolution for 2007, it's to find that ocean town/city/metopolis that is my home. Maybe it's on the islands in the middle of the Pacific, maybe it's on the west coast somewhere, maybe it's some oceany place I haven't even considered yet. (the Carribean? New Zealand? Ireland? god forbid, Florida??) I just hope I find my home this year.