who's the ECL?

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Portland, Oregon, United States
I'm not BAD evil, more like devil's food cake evil.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween!!

Some things that I have been for Halloween:

1. Snoopy.

2. Christmas present. I was in this big box and we cut holes for my arms, legs, and head. We wrapped up the box all nice and pretty, and then during the night I fell down and couldn't get back up.

3. Tomato. I think this was the year after the humiliated christmas present incident and I decided to just dress all in red and tell everyone I was a tomato.

4. French Maid. During the awkard 6th grade boy-crazy year. Why weren't my parents concerned about me wearing a trashy french maid costume? I mean, I wasn't giving anything away, but the implications, man.

5. Executioner. My MOM made the costume for me. I was in 7th grade, people! Mom sewed this big black robe and the hood--you know, the one with just the eye slits? I walked around school that whole day and nobody knew who I was.

6. Raistlin, the wizard from the Dragonlance books. Nerd alert!

7. The Red Death. I don't remember when we read The Mask of the Red Death by Edgar Allen Poe, but I thought it was awesome. I even tried to draw a map of the party and all the different colored rooms. Anyway, this costume was a keeper. I did this several years in a row. I wore the big black executioner's robe, painted my face white, painted my lips black and big black circles around my eyes, then took fake blood and made it look like my eyes, nose, ears, mouth, scalp, and hands were bleeding. I scared many children this way.

8. Wednesdae from The Addams Family. It was hard not to smile.

9.Psychedelic giant bunny. Man, I wish I still had this costume. It was SOOO tacky. I bought it for a dollar from the Willamette theater department. It was this head to toe polyester crazy quilt patterned bell-bottomed bodysuit in blues and greens with a big green panel on the front lined in fake fur, a big white pom-pom on the ass for the tail, mitts for the hands, and a hood that covered your whole head, except for your face (which was lined in the fake fur), and had two big ears with fake fur. It was so freaking hot in the costume but it was the coolest. I can't find the pictures I have of it, but if I ever find them, I'll be sure to post them.

10. One year in high school my friend Jeanne and I just went around the neighborhood, uncostumed, and got a bunch of candy. That was awesome.

Also, check out this pumpkin giving birth!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

The Squaredance

I've been trying to post for a few days now but everything I've written has been kind of meh.

I'm trying people!

I spent a lot of today under cat paralysis, and I actually took a serious nap in the afternoon for no good reason. My cats have been very pleased with my sedentary behavior today.

Last night was the last squaredance hoedown out on Sauvie Island this year. I freakin love the squaredancing. It was part of our PE curriculum in the 6th grade and I thought it was awesome. Not only did we not have to go outside and play kickball, but we had dance, and with boys! As a 6th grader who had a crush on practically all the guys, that was AWESOME. I even did the extra credit squaredancing and was pleased to see that some of my favorite crushes did too. I still don't understand why all those guys chose to squaredance instead of going outside and kicking that damn ball around. But thank god for my ego they did.

Anyway, the squaredancing that I've been involved in lately is really fun and social, as well as a good romp to some fun old-timey live music. The ladies aren't wearing those crazy gingham get ups, and nobody cares if your partner is the same sex. You spend half of the time skipping around the room with your partner and teaming up with some other strange couple for a dance or two. All of the dances are walked through before the music starts so you get a chance to figure it out--but if you don't, who cares!

I was asked how I take care of my inner child when my heart gets broken, and dancing was way up high on the list. Hooray for the squaredance!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

bye, josh



I took Josh to the airport Saturday night.

I feel like hibernating.

I miss him.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Farewell Esmerelda, Welcome Hedwig

Yes, I named my new computer Hedwig. As Harry Potter's owl, Hedwig has been exemplary in keeping him in touch with the wizarding world, his godfather when he was on the lam, his friends when he was stuck at the Dursley's. So since I use this machine to keep me connected to the outside world, I thought I would give computer a persona to live up to.

Maybe my Hedwig will start bringing me gifts on my birthday, too!

Hedwig is pretty much the exact same computer as Esmerelda, except he's shinier and faster and 4 years newer, and a guy.

Waitaminute--isn't Hedwig a girl's name? Dang.

I don't have much to blog about right now. I'm in a little bit of a limbo pattern--Stinky leaves on Saturday and I think I'm just waiting for this to be over before I start anything new.

I'm doing okay with his leaving. I've had enough time to be terribly unhappy and mopey and pissed off and all sorts of other emotions and now I'm just in acceptance of the situation, and realising that for both of us this can be a good thing. So I'm determined to make it a good thing. And anyway, my misery was a direct cause of my attitude and outlook. Once I got over myself, I stopped feeling miserrable! Funny how that works.

Anyway I'm stil in my pjs and its almost 1 pm. I love having Thursdays off. But I need to get out of the house, so off I go.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Goodbye....

damn computer.

Esmerelda (my computer) died Saturday night. A little screw fell out of the underside of the cover and shorted out the whole motherboard.

$%^&&**((&%$#@!@#$$%^&*((()*&%$##%$&****!

My new computer-friend comes on Monday or Tuesday.

The computer guys said they can transfer all my old data to my new computer in about an hour or so. At least all those stupid pictures I take and the Harry Potter books on CD won't be lost.

Sigh.

Have a great weekend everybody. See you (hopefully next week) on the new technological terror.

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Journey

There has been talk of this study done where the conclusion was that neonatal mortality rates are higher among babies born by cesarean, but no one knows why.

We talked a bit about this with Suzanne Yates when she was here doing a shiatsu for pregnancy and labor workshop. She talked about the journey the baby makes on its way out of the womb and into an independent life--well at least far more independent than it was in the womb--and how this journey is very important for the baby to make. In fact, nature intended babies to make this journey.

I remember when I was in high school I was trying to explain the importance of the journey to my boyfriend. He was my first love. We had this crazy magnetic connection. It was wild, and terribly heartbreaking. In some ways I feel like my heart will forever be breaking when it comes to this guy. But don't we all feel that way about our first loves?

I was telling him that there was this journey that we all as humans were making, up this mountain, and the journey was a long and winding and arduous path and even though we were heading towards the top, we couldn't see the top. We just knew that was where we wanted to be. Like knowing that the views from the top of Mt Hood must be spectacular, and so setting out to hike up and see. That's what we, the human race, was all about. And I remember telling him that he wanted to skip the journey, the long sweaty hike, he wanted to skip the trials by fire and ice and whatnot, he wanted to hire a helicopter up to the top and when he would get there, he would turn around and around in circles, looking out at this spectacular view, and ask, "this is it?" It was the journey that make the view so spectacular. It was the journey that was the point, not the end product. That's what I was trying to tell him.

And that's what I'm trying to say now. Maybe this journey that we make as babies trying to arrive on the planet is incredibly important. Maybe what we learn as infants as we make our way out will already hold lessons that teach us how to survive independently. Maybe taking the helicopter to the top--when not medically necessary--really does leave us asking, "this is it? Where's the magic, what's so special?" Maybe skipping those trials by fire and water and whatnot leave us ill prepared to face a life full of gravity, bacteria, by-products, disappointment, and broken hearts. Maybe we don't learn that things will get uncomfortable and shitty but we will survive and adapt. Maybe we don't learn how to cope with the unending hardships of life.

Babies born vaginally and without the use of pain killers (to the mom) are high as kites. They are pumping out a good chunk of endorphins as a response to being forcefully ejected from their happy warm watery home and squeezed through a tube into the light and cold and microbes and noise and gravity and weirdness that is this world we live in. So, yeah, babies learn that things can get bad, very bad, and that Normal can change drastically, but the reward for enduring the change and bad times is a nice natural endorphin high. The first lesson babies learn is that stress, adapt and change = magic carpet ride.

(Aside: Newborns also learn that they NEED PEOPLE. They learn that life is not to be lived alone. If everything goes well the baby can go straight to mom after being born, and baby learns that feeling high = mom [and dad]. A sort of biological dependence is thus created between babies and their parents. Babies equate happy and high with mon and dad, therefore they can eventually equate happy and high with being in the company of other people. We need each other to be happy and cope. We can't do it alone. Nature sets it up for us to learn that from the very beginning.)

So yeah, it seems pretty obvious that babies who are born by cesarean have a harder time surviving. They didn't get time to learn how to do it. They didn't learn how to struggle, endure, persevere, cope, adapt, and change. And they didn't get their sweet reward at the end. What lessons do cesarean babies learn in the first few minutes? What stories do they begin to tell themselves about how the world works and their place in it?

Monday, October 02, 2006

Damned Alien Invader

I had some sort of evil stomach flu thingy the last four days. Today was the first day where I could eat without feeling nauseous, and the headache I got on Thursday finally started to go away. I could walk at a normal pace again, getting up to go to the bathroom didn't give me palpitations, and my mouth didn't feel like the Gobi Desert anymore.

Its times when I am a little under the weather that I really appreciate how good I've got it when I'm not sick. I don't live with chronic pain, debilitating migraines or menstrual cramps. My parents are both alive, still happily married (they just bought a new grill and are grilling everything), my one and only sister and I get along great. My digestion, although on the Sp Xu + Damp side, is pretty good and elimination is regular and fine.

Except for right now. I am really doing a lot of letting go. I can't wait to be fully rid of this invading pathogen.

Excuse me, gotta go.