who's the ECL?

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Portland, Oregon, United States
I'm not BAD evil, more like devil's food cake evil.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Perspective On My Whiny Life

I read what I wrote in Horoscope This Week, and I took a shower.

And I realised this: I make it sound so drastic; that Stinky is dying or something. Let me make it clear, to myself mostly: He is not dying.

Yes, he is moving away and we won't be together anymore. We won't occupy the same heartspace in each other as we do now, we won't cuddle in bed and watch movies anymore, we won't be the last person we talk to before sleeping anymore, or the first person to share the news with anymore. We won't talk about things that we don't talk about with anybody else anymore, we won't hug and kiss and have sex together anymore. Eventually we will move on and date other people, and someday we'll fall in love with others.

There is a lot about us that will be done, and gone, and over with.

At best, we will remain good friends. At best, we will continue to occupy important places in each other's hearts, even if it isn't The Space anymore. At best, we won't go into fits of whatever when we start dating other people, and when we fall in love with other people.

But he isn't going to die, and I can still talk to him every now and then, and we can hopefully be friends.

But there is a lot about us that will be done, and gone, and over with. Let me make it clear, mostly to myself, that I am mourning the loss of our relationship, and all the bright and shiny and exciting potential we had together as a couple, and all the wonderfulness of letting him live in my deepest heart, and me in his. There is a lot to mourn, but I do not have to mourn him.