who's the ECL?

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Portland, Oregon, United States
I'm not BAD evil, more like devil's food cake evil.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Nerd Alert

Okay, ahem. I am about to reveal something about myself in such a public way, I am asking you all to please be nice to me and not tease me too much.

I found this really great blog and I wanted to share it with you, for maybe some of you are as nerdy as I am.

The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster

O yeah, you heard me right. Its the diary/blog of Darth Vader, written during the period of his life that corresponds to Episodes IV-VI. Its smart, its nerdy, and its really funny. And I'll prove it to you:

Excerpts from The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster

  • I will say this for being a tyrannical dark overlord: you get great service at restaurants.

  • [Palpatine says]"The strings of the Force grow taut, and soon we shall play a tune upon them, Lord Vader. It will be a dirge for the rebellion that will initiate the second age of this New Order."
    Man, that guy loves the sound of his own voice! Luckily no one can see me roll my eyes behind this masque.

  • Big day. Storming the rebel ice fortress.
    Took a nap first so I would be peppy.

  • Due to Ozzel's bungling we arrived too late, and the lion's share of the rebel terrorists had already escaped. I could feel the presence of my son, but he was not at the base. The good news is that as I came into the rebel landing bay I saw the renegade Han Solo escorting the traitor Leia Organa aboard the same Corellian freighter that we captured them in last year. And do you know who else was with them? C-3P0!
    Talk about a blast from the past!
    The tendrils of the Force swam around them, and as the troopers positioned their cannons I closed my eyes. In the darkness behind my eyelids I could see the diaphanous fingers of the Force dance around their spirits as they fled, lazy loops of bifurcating destiny falling behind them like smoke.

  • Darth Vader and the stinking, rotten, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

  • Do you ever have one of those days where you find yourself asking, "Hey, I know I'm bad, but what did I do to deserve this?"

  • Meanwhile, the search for the elusive Millennium Falcon in the asteroid field has yielded no results. The whole affair has put me in a sour mood. Can you tell?
    Forget it. I am going to return to the bridge to shatter asteroids with my mind. I find it soothing, and the officers really get a kick out it.

  • Okay, I admit it. I cut off the kid's hand. Everything went downhill after that.

  • "This will be a day long remembered," I said.
    ...Which is pretty much when the Millennium Falcon escaped to hyperspace.
    I sighed. Why me?
    I was even too dispirited to crush Admiral Piett's trachea.
    Now I am in my hyperbaric chamber, listening to music (Rotan's Sonata for Holotyne) and trying to get a grip on things. Betrayed by a mimbo, surrounded by incompetence, my soul in knots; lost Skywalker, lost Organa, sold Solo...
    The Emperor is going to barf when I tell him.

  • Shape up or sputter to the floor unconscious -- that's my motto.