I am sitting here, really late into the night, screwing around on the internet and thinking it is time for sleep, when...
...I catch out of the corner of my eye this goddammed spider tromping across the bed, heading straight for me.
I am really afraid of spiders.
It is practically THREE in the MORNING. The damn thing WAS ON MY BED. If I was already asleep, the little fucker could have bit me 500 times and laid eggs in my hair and I probably wouldn't have noticed.
And did I mention that I found a HOBO SPIDER in my room three weeks ago? And I nicely transported it outside--what was I thinking? My skin crawled for a couple of days after that incident.
Aw sweet baby Jesus. I look around my room, and I see three other spiders lurking on the ceiling. No, make that four spiders. One is right over here near my bed. That little fucker could be crawling over my face in a couple of hours.
If it wasn't 2:59 am, I would pull out the vaccuum and kill all of these intruders. I don't care about the great medicine grandmother spider carries with her in this moment.
I. Don't. Like. SPIDERS. IN. MY. ROOM.