who's the ECL?

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Portland, Oregon, United States
I'm not BAD evil, more like devil's food cake evil.

Sunday, January 06, 2013

and here is the new year

well, we all didn't sink into the pacific ocean on 12/21/12 so i guess for now we're all right. i still think the pacific rim isn't finished being unruly. i mean in all seriousness, the pacific rim will NEVER be finished being unruly, but you know what i mean.

anyways.

resolutions for 2013? i don't have a resolution. i have an announcement. i am sick and tired of struggling to make ends meet. that shit ends this year. i am done with not making enough and feeling like i'll never stop struggling. it ends. now.

there's a lot of other shit bubbling away underneath the surface, but nothing i feel like quietly publishing over here in my little corner of the internets. at least not yet, that is.

stay tuned. who knows what will get churned up from the depths.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

reflections on returning to writing

it is like this: you can resist the urge long enough until the need to express yourself is greater than the desire to remain hidden.

there's stuff in this blog that i'm not so proud of. things that i've written that i wish i could take back, wish that i never thought--let alone declared openly to the world, wish that i never did. but although i could simply delete those posts, i feel like all that stupid stuff i did or wrote or believed, that is all me. i am who i am because of everything i have done and lived to bring me to this moment right now. so, as much as i want to hide all those posts, i let them remain where they are. and so they are.

perhaps leaving them there, forcing me to acknowledge their heavy weight is actually a negative thing, an act that serves to shackle me to my guilt and shame. i think about this, especially now as i write this post, but whatever. whatever guilt and shame i've attached to my past is done by me, to me, and i have no one but myself to blame for making these memories burdens instead of simple, neutral events.

at any rate, those choices and the person who made those choices remain firmly in my past. i am not her, and she is not me. she is the reason why i am who i am today, but i am not her, not ever again.

Sunday, December 09, 2012

so last night i sent a text to somebody:



I wish for you healing of your deepest wounds and an easing of your heartache. I wish for you to understand that you are a sweet, kind, smart soul who deserves to be loved and cherished. I wish for you to someday be able to open to someone who wants to give you their love and I wish for you to be able to return it in kind. Most of all I wish your soul peace, dear friend.



and what i added on as i drove home today, because i imagined an imaginary conversation with him, because all i seem to have are imaginary conversations with him:

i could have loved you to the ends of the earth. we could have faced this world together, side by side, hand in hand. we could have been so much. you long for connection and relationship but you are just like your scorpio birth sign; you say that you wear your heart on your sleeve but in truth your heart is locked up deep beneath your hard exterior shell. as i came near looking for a way in, you held me hard in your pinchers and said, "don't move any closer," and as i still looked to move in your tail reared above your head and repeatedly broke my heart.

you need someone who has more courage, more subtlety, and more patience than me. you need someone who can stand being pierced a thousand times by your stinger, who can endure your repeated heartbreaking until there is no more poison left in you, until instead of a cornered scorpion desperately trying to keep safe there is only a tired man asking for love. i am not that girl, but i wish you find her, my lovely Erik, my dear broken man.

Friday, February 04, 2011

FFWD: Basque Potato Tortilla

I know, I haven't been around much lately. I have been cooking a lot, but not necessarily blogging about it. But here I am, on a Friday, and I'm talking about something I cooked. Which means...French Fridays With Dorie time!

FFWD: Basque potato Tortilla

This week is a simple and delicious Basque Potato Tortilla. My friend MaryAnn spent a year living in Cadiz, Spain, and she raved about the tortillas she had there. So when I saw Dorie included a couple in the book, I was excited. I became less excited when I read through the instructions and noticed I needed to finish the tortilla under the broiler--mine is broken. Ah, but the oven at work has a working broiler! Excellent.

FFWD: Basque potato Tortilla

A spanish tortilla is basically a lot like a fritatta, which is to say, a baked egg omelet. This particular tortilla is pretty simple, with onions, potatoes and...egg. The potatoes and onion are sauteed in a skillet, first. Once golden and cooked through, they are set aside in a bowl and the skillet is wiped clean. The eggs (nine!) are beaten, seasoned, the potatoes are mixed in, and everything is put back into the skillet and cooked slowly for about ten minutes.

FFWD: Basque potato Tortilla

After the ten minutes, the middle of the tortilla is probably still mushy so the whole shebang is put under the broiler until the top is cooked through. Now for a little kitchen anxiety as the tortilla is turned out onto a plate to cool. Luckily, all of the tortilla released from the pan and none of it fell onto the floor. Hooray!

FFWD: Basque potato Tortilla

I like it well enough, but when I brought it home and spread some of David Leibowitz's peanut sauce over the top, I loved it. I am excited to try some of Dorie's Bonne Idees, adding ham or bacon, spinach or mushrooms.

Friday, January 14, 2011

FFWD: Gnocchi a La Parisienne

This week's selection is a celebration of creamy, rich dairy. Dorie likens this dish to mac and cheese: hearty comfort food. Don't be fooled by the word "gnocchi" in the title; these little dumplings are made of cream puff dough.

gnocchi a la parisienne

I couldn't wrap my head around pate a choux as pasta--I think of it more as pastry. It is the dough used for eclairs, cream puffs, and delicious gougeres. In this case the choux dough is poached in water, much like gnocchi, and afterwards are baked in bechamel and (in my case) Comte and Emmental.

gnocchi a la parisienne

gnocchi a la parisienne

I messed up on the bechamel sauce--I thought I overcooked it, but now I wonder if my proportions were off. The sauce cooled to a thick blob, which today looked like a nice chunk of ricotta. I added a bit more milk over low heat and stirred and stirred. Eventually what I got was a thick, and yet creamy, white sauce. Pourable!

gnocchi a la parisienne

Dorie says this dish isn't any good as leftovers, so I decided to freeze the majority of the "gnocchi" and made a smaller portion. It was perfect this evening after a long, cold, rainy day.

gnocchi a la parisienne

Friday, January 07, 2011

FFWD: Paris Mushroom Soup



FFWD: Paris mushroom soup

We start the year off with Dorie's Paris Mushroom Soup. It is a good soup, and a basic soup of chicken broth, onions, a little rosemary and a ton of mushrooms. It gets pureed after cooking and served over some thinly sliced raw mushrooms with a little green onion, chive, and parsley. Dorie suggests topping the soup with a little creme fraiche, but I used what I had on hand: full fat plain yogurt.

Like I said it was a good soup but not my favorite. Maybe changing up the mushrooms (she uses button mushrooms) and throwing in some thyme would be nice. I threw in chunks of my buttered bread after a while and that made the soup much more interesting to me. I guess I like a chunky soup!

Monday, December 20, 2010

a block from the epicenter

I'm down here in the Bay Area for the holidays, and we had a little pre-Christmas celebration Sunday morning. My sister and her family are spending Christmas with her in-laws in Florida this year, so we exchanged our gifts and stockings with them early.

There we were, still in our PJs, wrapping paper in tatters, the nephew more excited about the box than the gift (isn't that how it always is with kids). I was sitting on the couch next to Mom, when I heard a low rumbling sound. I thought it was a plane flying low overhead, but then with a loud BANG the house threw itself suddenly to the right, and then the low rumble moved on.

An earthquake! How California. It was a wierd earthquake, because instead of a little shaking and rumbling it was just one loud jerk. But then again, it was kind of cool. You can say that about an earthquake when it is only 3.1 on the richter scale. Those big ones....not so much.

Later on, the news mentioned our little earthquake and pinpointed the epicenter to a street not too far from our house. In fact, one block away! So glad it was a teeny earthquake, considering.

3.1 magnitude quake in Los Altos